Finding Your Way Back: 4 Habits to Bring Out the Best in Yourself When Feeling Lost

What do you do when you feel utterly lost? When you feel like you've got a complete lack of meaningful direction nowadays, and when you're probably someone who's really used to having that direction, having that drive, and that really clear vision of what you're working towards. I know that a couple of years ago, I found myself in this position, everything I thought success looked like everything that I'd put down on paper I wanted to achieve. And yet, there was something missing that almost prevented me from waking up in the morning with direction and a real drive to continue building something. And truth be told, I probably lost years in this not just months in trying to understand what it was that I wanted, that I didn't already have. Because everything that people tell you looks like success, I thought I achieved, I had money and the job that I wanted, I also even had the new indicators of success, the time freedom, I had more time than anyone in their 20s could possibly want. And I still didn't know how to build a life, that would put me back to operating as my best again. So that's where my journey began with the podcast and interviewing some of the world's highest performers to understand how they got to a position of success. And then were able to realign and go again in a completely different direction, how they're able to build that success day after day in multiple different avenues. And so today, I wanted to share with you the four pillars that make up this game plan. The first two pillars help you orientate and initiate and the second two will help you then accelerate in whatever the new direction is that you have found. And you're going in. Now the first pillar that helps you orientate yourself that I think you absolutely have to start with, and that's seeking clarity. Clarity basically helps you provide the foundation for every decision you make. And you might have heard on the clarity podcast that I did that it also helps create the safety for you to go all in. Now I know you probably know what I mean, here, you've maybe even thought that there's one or two different things that you want to try or might even be more in alignment with who you want to be. And you've given them a little go. And you've not got the early success or momentum in that new endeavour. And the truth of the matter is, you're never really going to find the success you've already created in life unless your mind understands that it's safe to go all in, think about the thing that you created success, and you probably weren't absolutely all in on it. I knew that with my flight training, for instance, I threw money that it would take me decades to earn back in order to do a career that at the time, nobody was even recruiting for. I mean, it was utter madness. But all I knew is that that was the direction I wanted to go in. And those steps are the steps that I had to take in order to achieve that. And you don't really think of the consequences of what happens if I don't get a job. Or if this doesn't work out, because you can't afford to your mind just tells you that it's safe to go all in. And it's safe to commit to this new path. Now, that's really easy to do when you've got a clear defined path, like flight training, or whatever it was that took you to the successes that you have. But it's bloody really hard when you're trying to define a new path or carve out a new path that hasn't even been defined yet. And so in order to create the safety that the mind requires for you to go all in, you first need inner clarity. Now when we're talking about inner clarity, we're talking about core values, essentially, who you want to be and referencing back to the podcast that I did on clarity, if you can just come up with three words that will define the best of who you are, that will be used to guide your personal life, and just write them down on a piece of paper, and then figure out how you're going to remind yourself to show up under those three words under those three values every single day. And maybe even do the same with interactions. What three words or values can you live by, that are used to guide the interactions you have on a daily basis, because that's going to be where the differentiator is, if you can intentionally show up and interact with the people you need to in the way that you want to interact. That's clarity, that's understanding who you want to be. And I use this one all the time, because it's pretty mental how we set up our work as pilots, every time we check in for a new flight. We're flying with people we've probably never even met before. So before I check in, I always asked myself, What are the three words that will describe the type of person I want to show up as? So if they were to describe me after we left after that initial interaction? What three words would they describe me as? So I'd normally put something like how can I look competent and capable? How can I be joyous and fun and not take myself too seriously, that's a really important point of how I want to show up. And so I'll always try and understand how I can marry those two, certainly on my first impression with my colleagues that I'm just about to go flying with for three or four days. Once you've sorted that out once you understood the core values that you want to operate by, and who you want to be look at the outer clarity which is the goal setting the defining the vision of what success looks like for you. And also one thing that a lot of people miss is the why why Why is it important for you to show up to work to build these habits to go through the struggle that invariably you're going to go through in order to create any meaningful change in your life. And so if you're looking at operating at your best again, you need to connect back to the why, why that challenge now is important to you. Because if it doesn't, then you'll have no necessity to continue, when it starts getting a little bit tricky, exactly as I did, you'll just fall back into that comfort. The second pillar is to develop courage. And I think if there's one thing that comes up every single time from the guests that I've interviewed, and that is, they all seem to show up and take that courageous action regardless, which is something that I admire in those people. And therefore, it's something that I want to be myself. Courage helps with consistency. And we all know that it's not really just the action you take that defines your success, but it's how consistent you show up and take that action. And so where would you be in one month, if you manage to take action through courage instead of fear, every action that you take on a daily basis is either informed by an intention or measure of what you want the outcome to be? Or it's ruled a little bit by fear, maybe by protecting yourself your status, or doing the easiest or safest version of what you're required to do? And so if you were to show up every single morning, and say, How can I take courageous action today? What does that look like today, just think about where you'll be not just in a month's time, that if you 12x, that? Well, you'd be at the end of the year. So what action would show that you want a different outcome to your peers and those around you. And so, in order to do that, you kind of need to take the action that shows the world that you're willing to do something different to those around, you make it small, it doesn't have to be something absolutely ridiculously courageous. It can be something that just evokes a little bit of fear in you that make it consistent, show up every single day and take a little bit of action that evokes a little bit of fear, that shows your brain that it's safe to do so. And then once you've inoculated yourself to that fear, you can then up the ante a little bit more, until then you're consistently just showing up and doing it regardless. Now, the secondary pillars are all about how to harness what you've already built, who you already are as a person in order to accelerate through the difficult, ugly phase at the beginning. And so the third pillar is influence. So how can you shortcut the process to success with the attributes with the influence that you've already cultivated, so that you can start creating results from day one? Now, I know that this is a really, really important point to a lot of the people that I coach, one of the biggest things that holds us back from pivoting and going again, and operating at our best, again, is that feeling of sunk costs. And I know that this took me down into a hole for so many months, on the first day of my career, I was 129 and a half 1000 pounds in debt. And so that was financially in a massive sunk cost that I had to start trying to earn back. And so it almost felt like madness, to give that up after just 10 years in order to try and do something different. But I'd also spent years and years of my life from the age of 14, actually. And from that moment, I was making decisions about what GCSEs I did, what university I chose what degree I chose the fact that I flew at university, I did University Air Squadron, I led teams, I went on expeditions, I did everything with the sole focus of becoming an airline pilot, and then you get there and realise that you just need a little bit more or something different. And all of a sudden, you start thinking I've literally sacrificed my entire adult life for this. And now I'm just gonna like give it up, that influence helps us understand that every single step that you took is another building block that you can now utilise, to gain an unfair advantage of the people that are around you. You going into a different arena and playing in there means that you're gonna have so many different attributes and assets that you're bringing to the party that those guys around, you just do not have. And so we need to start thinking about what unfair advantage we get of going into this new arena. Also, when it comes to influence, you know, people will truly be looking forward to helping you if they see that you're humble enough to ask for their help. I know that when I started the podcast, for instance, I got guests, I mean, just go and look at my first few guests on the podcast, it is well above my weight. And that's because I was humble enough to say, Hey, listen, I don't really know what I'm doing. But I really, really want to help this type of person. And I really think your insights might be valuable in helping them and I got them into my vision. And so how can what you're doing next, once you've got the clarity benefit those around you and who needs you to be the role model for change around and I look at my wife Rose here, she's got a moderately sized following on social media where a lot of people think, Oh, how much influence do you have is how many followers you have and how many likes you get, but she is able to go into a room and with the energy that she has with the authenticity and the brilliance that she shows up with. She is able to draw the people above her and influence those guys. And so it's not Just about being able to influence those at the same level or below you, it's helping you actually influence those guys are above you, how can you inspire them with how you're showing up for them to sponsor you, or even mentor you, or even open the doors for you. And finally, the fourth pillar is momentum. Now, a lot of people think that motivation is what really, really drives people. But motivation actually follows momentum. And so all the highest performers that I've ever interviewed, plus all the highest performers that I've ever seen interviewed, or in studies, they all seem to be building an autonomously just acting through their own operating system. Now everyone's operating systems going to be different things that work for me, are not necessarily going to be the things that work for you. But this is about really trying to trial and experiment and learn from and implement some of the tools, some of the habits that you can use, that's going to get the best out of you, in order to show up every single day, and move the needle. And one of my guests, Simon Jeffries, I think is episode 16 talked about the moving average, and how not every single day is going to be a killer. But what can you do just to make sure that the net gain means that your moving average is going up every single week, and I talked about this in my overwhelm podcast, that rhythm that flow that you can build, that allows you to operate at your own pace. And then there's the obvious things as well like productivity and how you can build and schedule your time so that you can optimise a little bit more how you can focus on those prolific tasks that actually move the needle, how you can build intention on a daily basis. And her big things like planning the night before, unlocked so much momentum, because if you have to start every single day, from standing still position, it's a lot harder to build momentum. If you already planned your big outlook for tomorrow, and even just the first hour, you can then start to build momentum to have taken the action you need on a daily basis. A few other little things to help with momentum, things like how can you get little wins daily, how can you track your progress, individuals are 42% more likely to achieve goals when they're physically recorded. So that's writing it down, like putting it in a diary or putting it in your planner, also at the frequency of how often you record and track your progress. Because there's more research that shows that companies that track their goals in real time like on a daily and a weekly basis, they're twice as likely to hit all of their goals in a 12 month period than those that do on an annual basis. So make sure you're tracking your progress, you've got some understanding of where you're at, and where you want to be on a weekly basis as well. And finally, little things like debriefing. That can be as simple as just having a journal and writing in how today went and one change you're going to make for tomorrow. And so whatever it is that you're going to use to help build momentum, the key here is to just try and take daily action that allows you to continue going through the tough times, times where it's probably a little bit easier to just absolutely Jeff it off and do something different or even doubt yourself altogether. And just say I gave it a go didn't really work. And so if you're looking to get back to operating at your best again, if you're looking to get back out of feeling like a victim out of feeling like someone who's just a little bit lost or without direction, which is completely not you, then the chances are the answer probably lies in one of these four pillars. seek clarity, both internal and external. Develop the courage on a daily basis to take the action that's required to build consistency. Harness the influence that you've already created. So you don't feel like you're starting from scratch again, and then find ways to build momentum. Because when nothing else is around, just having solid habits that you can do autonomously is going to be the thing that gets you through those periods of low motivation. And so I'd love to know out of these four pillars, which ones are you working on right now? Which ones Could you do a little bit more help with? Until next time, legend Speak soon.